Mitch Hedberg Jokes
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Mitch Hedberg: Subway's Duck Policy
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I went to a Subway
sandwich shop, and I said, 'Let me have a bun,' but she wouldn't sell me just a bun. She said it had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just a bun; I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So, I said, 'Alright, put some lettuce on it,' which they did. They said, 'That'll be $1.75.' I said, 'It's for a duck.' They said, 'Alright, well then it's free.' See, I did not know that -- ducks eat for free at Subway. Had I known that, I would've ordered a much larger sandwich. 'Lemme have the steak fajita sandwich, but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want SunChips!'
Mitch Hedberg - Sandwiches
Ducks eat for free at Subway.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), food (804), animals (791)
Posted: 11/03/04
Views: 3,857
Mitch Hedberg - Cincinnati Tribute
The Mitch Across America comics tell their favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes.
Tags: animals (791), Mitch Hedberg (19)
Posted: 09/30/08
Views: 2,832
Mitch Hedberg - Blocking the Fire Exit
If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804)
Posted: 01/04/99
Views: 44,310
Mitch Hedberg - Party of Two
People are selfish.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), food (804), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149)
Posted: 05/18/04
Views: 13,764
Christian Finnegan - Monopoly
There are people who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart.
Tags: Christian Finnegan (28), Comedy Central Presents (1821), money (865)
Posted: 03/10/05
Views: 3,244
Jeremy Hotz - Los Angeles
Nothing changes in Los Angeles, not even the seasons.
Tags: Jeremy Hotz (10), Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804)
Posted: 06/20/00
Views: 3,501
Mitch Hedberg - Baked Potatoes
Mitch Hedberg likes to eat.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804)
Posted: 01/04/99
Views: 11,454
Mitch Hedberg - Instant Oatmeal
Making instant oatmeal feels unproductive.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), food (804), Premium Blend (750)
Posted: 05/22/98
Views: 11,650
Kevin Kataoka - Throwing a Tantrum
A tantrum can help adults win arguments.
Tags: Kevin Kataoka (5), money (865), kids (841)
Posted: 05/25/93
Views: 442
Mitch Hedberg - Tripping on Acid
Because of acid, Mitch Hedberg now knows that butter is way better than margarine.
Tags: Mitch Hedberg (19), Comedy Central Presents (1821), animals (791)
Posted: 01/04/99
Views: 20,800
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