Jokes.com

New York is a funny place. I was at the coffee shop last week, and I'm paying the cashier for my cup of coffee, and the other girl got sprayed by the espresso machine with the hot milk. And her shirt was burning her, and so she just ripped it...

I love it out here, 'cause you guys have personality. There's a lot of character; there's energy out here. I live in L.A., and you can't even say 'Hi' to people in L.A. -- people can't handle that. Here, it's cool, you can say whatever you...

People in Brooklyn wear their hearts on their sleeves. 'Excuse me, sir, I'm lost.' 'Glad I'm not you!'

You give me a tree that can live off glass, cigarette butts and pebbles -- that's a real tree. No this 'I need sunshine' crap, no way. Our trees come up -- the branches are in the shape of middle fingers.

I'm from New York, so I thought everybody had Tourette's.

There are 10 million stories in Big Town, 8 million people -- somebody's lying.

L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, 'Rained all day, didn't help the drought. Back to you, Tom.' I got news for you, folks....

And why are they coming so early? They're picking up garbage -- it's not going to go bad again.

Every year, I go home, and I always go back to my old neighborhood and walk around. Everybody's standing on the street corners holdin' their nuts. Everybody -- in the middle of the day -- 'What's up, man? Motor City all up in it, yo.' And...

I moved to L.A., so, you know, I joined a gym, because it was either that or a gang.