-- a pizza can get
to your house faster than an ambulance. -- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. -- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy...
If I was in charge,
I would not have the Olympics in our country anymore. Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff. It just pisses them off.
When I go to other
countries... I sort of think of myself as an ambassador insofar as I don't want to be a typical American douchenozzle. And getting thrown out of the Anne Frank house, that's it -- I mean, you've won the douchenozzle...
How did we get to
the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, 'How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those...
They're hard on Americans, though,
man. They heckle you in England as an American for things you have no idea -- 'Screw you and the Panama Canal Treaty of 1874!'
The Super Bowl this year
was kind of interesting because they ran three and a half or four hours of 'A Salute to America,' brought to us by the NFL. So by the time they were kicking off, I was actually sick of freedom; I pined to be enslaved.