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Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (326)
-- In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring...
-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring...
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (326)
Q: How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (326)
My friends from L.A. stop me and say, 'Maria, you already do so much. You make people laugh; it's the greatest gift in the world.' I only do that, like, four minutes a day, if it's going well. Maybe in the off-time, I could sponge bathe the dying or just hose things off a little bit.
My supervisor -- let's call him Greenbean -- said that there were certain bigwigs who you should never put on hold, certain VIPs who you should never put on hold, and I could never remember who those people were. So, I put everyone on hold and I...
Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good...
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good...
Stand-up comedy -- I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks -- knock wood -- it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.'
There was this woman that I used to work with, and every Monday -- didn't talk to me during the week -- but every Monday she'd say, 'How was your weekend? How's your weekend?' And then I said, 'Oh, not good. I accidentally killed a man.' And she said, 'Oh, you should have called me! We went antiquing.'
I used to get up and go to work; I just don't like supervisors. Supervisors are always asking you stupid questions: 'Why you always late for work?' I'm like, ''Cause it make the day go faster. The later I get here, the quicker this end.'
We got interns at the job. You can just tell them to do stuff. You gotta be nice, though. I had this cat fax something. I handed him a couple of pages, and I handed him another page. I said, 'Hey, man, fax something for yourself, too.'
I'm not like other comedians. I want you to know that right now. I start out slow -- and then get fired.
Doctors -- "Take off your clothes."
Dentist -- "Open wide."
Hairdressers -- "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Milkmen -- "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Interior decorators -- "Once you have it all in, you'll love...
Dentist -- "Open wide."
Hairdressers -- "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Milkmen -- "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Interior decorators -- "Once you have it all in, you'll love...
Two young men with equal qualifications apply for the same job. In order to determine which individual to hire, the manager gives them a written test.
Both men score nine out of 10 on the test; however, the manager decides to go with the...
Both men score nine out of 10 on the test; however, the manager decides to go with the...
A lot of magicians, they're down on me 'cause I don't really -- well, I don't think I know real magic. But if you knew the hours I spent just thinking about practicing....
I'm afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.
I'm not a good eight-hour worker because I don't think you should have to be around people that long that you don't know. That's not a good thing. You be like, 'I don't know these people. Why am I here this long? I don't think it takes eight hours to do nothing. We should not be around each other this long.'
What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think it's 'just take it'?
If I ever have to get another job, and I know I have to get fired that day, that day I'm going to go to work with a pocketful of glitter. And when my boss fires me, I'm going to be like, 'Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Glitter?' And I'm going...
