You could be a genius -- you try to write a postcard, you come across like a moron anyway. It's always like, 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
You do things in a hotel you would never think about doing in your own home. As soon as that door shuts, pants come off. Drop stuff on the floor -- I ain't picking that crap up.
Why do they bother putting wheels on luggage? Did you ever try to pull your luggage through the airport? There's no control. I killed, like, three kids on the way here.
A man and his wife check into a cheap hotel. The husband goes down to the bar, but his tired wife goes up to the room to lie down. Suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window, shakes the room and throws her out of bed. She lies...