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Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.
Jokes Tagged:
travel (277)
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. What are you -- stupid?
A: One. What are you -- stupid?
Jokes Tagged:
travel (277)
I was down in Tennessee. Let me tell you right now about Tennessee. Your car breaks down in Tennessee? You have just moved to Tennessee.
I'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you don't drink the water. You go to any diner here, who brings you the water? It's a mystery.
We were in the hotel room, and it's kind of cold. 'Well,' I go, 'I'll put the heat on a little bit.' I put it on 70. It was freakin' Celsius! Yeah, know what that is in real life? That's like 2,000 degrees or something like that. The water in the toilet was boiling.
I went to North Dakota, and it was closed. The whole state -- I had to go around. They wouldn't let me in. I go, 'Come on, I gotta pee!' Nope. He goes, 'You gotta buy something.' I know -- and I only had $10 bucks, so I bought, like, 200 acres.
A guy surprises his fiancee by having her name tattooed on his penis. In flowing script it says, "Wendy."
On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis....
On their Jamaican honeymoon, he uses a public bathroom and sees a Jamaican man who seems to have the same name tattooed on his penis....
You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too -- in case you ever fly some day.'
Because I'm a genius, I went to Las Vegas in mid-July. I went there because the flight to the sun was all booked up.
Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.
A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.
You could be a genius -- you try to write a postcard, you come across like a moron anyway. It's always like, 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
Two blondes wait at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"
Why do they bother putting wheels on luggage? Did you ever try to pull your luggage through the airport? There's no control. I killed, like, three kids on the way here.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a bus?
A: A bus has the pricks on the inside.
A: A bus has the pricks on the inside.
The first book I'd bring with me would be a big, plastic inflatable book, and the second one would be 'How to Make Oars out of Sand.'
We got four boring seasons on the east coast: winter, spring, summer, and fall. You ever been to California? Wind, fire, mud, earthquakes.
They put me in a Mexican Super 8, called the Grande Ocho. Everything in my room was chained down. I couldn't even pull my sheets back.
You do things in a hotel you would never think about doing in your own home. As soon as that door shuts, pants come off. Drop stuff on the floor -- I ain't picking that crap up.
