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Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed -- $100.
Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
Free puppies:...
Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
Free puppies:...
I like to go to stores and mess with the salespeople, get them back. They mess with you all day. I go in the store, right? And I just try stuff on and walk around in it. They can't tell you how long to keep it on.
My day was terrible. I spent six hours on the phone with IKEA technical support. It was six hours of this: 'Um, can I speak to someone who isn't Swedish? Yes, I was assembling the Klorn entertainment center, and I've become trapped inside.'
I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'
Yesterday I bought a cuckoo clock at an Army Navy store. Last night at 10, the bird chirped 2,200 times.
How many of us really can buy something on her damn list? She tried to make a little cheap list. You know we don't want that sh*t on your cheap list, Oprah.
I liked Amsterdam. I spent $2,000 window shopping.
I tried to go Christmas shopping last year, but I didn't have no money. I just went window-shopping with a brick.
While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
I'm opposed to product testing on animals, especially in cosmetics research. What can we possibly learn from it? So what if a dog looks good in lipstick?
Women have an easier time purchasing condoms than men because women are bold. Women aren't bothered by it. Women will walk into that drug store, 'Yeah, let me see, give me the lambskin lubricated one that's ribbed with feathers, two feet long and...
I am in a fantastic mood tonight. I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience. It's called 'Tester.'
I sent away for a penis enlarger. They sent me back a magnifying glass.
You ever go into those fancy malls? You ever see those girls working behind the cosmetic counters? They've got lab coats on. What are they doing, splitting atoms back there? I went in there to buy cologne; they drew blood and told me I had a yeast...
Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.
What the hell is Victoria's Secret? Please. My guess is that she likes to dress like a slut.
If you don't know about the Big N' Tall store, that's where you thin bastards send us folks to shop. We don't get any cool brand names; you little, thin people hogged those. You get the Gaps and the Polos and the Fubu. We don't get no Fubu; we get...
I went to Tower Records the other night to try to buy a new needle for my record player. I might as well have said, 'Excuse me, do you good men sell cannon balls? I'm fresh out o' cannon balls for ye old cannon back home. Come on, I ain't got all fortnight. The British are coming!'
