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Three engineering students gather to discuss the possible designers of the human body.
One says, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another says, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has...
One says, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another says, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has...
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'Dude'? 'Dude, these are isotopes.'
No man who has the option to spend his weekends down in a border town whorehouse getting his a**hole tickled is instead going to choose... to lock himself in a laboratory in order to design the ultimate clock.
Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'
They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots.
I, too, have a conspiracy theory. I believe that Einstein was killed by the mafia because he knew too much.
Little kids ask questions every second. She must have asked a thousand questions in one block, and finally, I panicked. She went, 'What are those clouds made of?' I'm an idiot anyway -- I go, 'Steam from a hot dog.'
You guys familiar with Elliot's Peripheral Extrapolation Theorem? That's the one that states that depending on the size of an enclosure, i.e. an aquarium or terrarium, that the animal, i.e. fish or lizard, that you put in that area will grow...
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut on board. After months of training, they placed all three in the shuttle and prepared for launch.
Mission Control Center announced, "This is Mission Control to...
Mission Control Center announced, "This is Mission Control to...
-- just HOW poisonous are poisonous snakes?
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a...
-- Which household products are most flammable?
-- Which hurts more: falling off the slide or being pushed off the slide?
-- Which tools are sharper: kitchen or garage?
-- can sharks hunt a...
I can't wait until they could put wings on humans. Because when they could put wings on humans, they could put wings on pigs, and when they could put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college owe me sex.
What's the one thing that everybody associates with alien abduction? Anal probe. What -- aliens don't have MRI's?
We don't have solar energy because the sun goes away each day -- and doesn't tell you where it's going.
If we came from monkeys, could somebody please just tell me -- why are there still monkeys?
I've just ended this relationship with this woman. I think the chemistry was all wrong -- she blew up.
She left, went and studied apes, and then just came home -- went for six years and then just came home. And it's like, what a weird thing to do with your life. She just went and studied them, like how they act and how they eat and they function,...
I just read an article in the paper the other day that, in an experiment, a medical experiment, they actually hooked up electrodes to the pleasure center of a lab monkey's brain and, at the flip of a switch, sent the monkey into perpetual orgasm....
You know how badly evolution is going now? Me. We've got me: I'm allergic to bread. Do you know how weak you have to be genetically for bread to be too much for you?
