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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ''But officer,'' the man said, ''I can explain.''
''Just be quiet!!!'' snapped the officer. ''Or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the...
-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high...
-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high...
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory?
The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, “Alright, let's hear it.”
The guy goes, “What has a 2 inch penis and hangs down?”
The DJ says, “I dunno, what?”...
The guy goes, “What has a 2 inch penis and hangs down?”
The DJ says, “I dunno, what?”...
Walter: I ain't afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: 'Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching'? What do they do when they arrest somebody? 'Alright, get in the basket'.
I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. Cop said to me, 'You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the car pool lane.' I said, 'Check the trunk.'
If you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, put the video camera down and help me.
My career's going pretty good. I just finished a screenplay. It's a cop buddy picture -- two cops: one cop has narcolepsy, the other one has Tourette's Syndrome. It's called 'Snoozy and Spaz.'
I was on Oprah Winfrey once, but the cops pulled me off of her, and now she's pressing charges.
That's humiliating -- you train your whole life to be a police officer; then they put you on a bicycle like some crazed paper boy?
I hate that show 'COPS.' You ever see that show? The thing about it is you can turn it on one day and see somebody who you know being arrested. That's embarrassing, man. Last week I seen somebody who I know, and I found myself cheering for him, man. I'm like, 'Run, George! Run!'
You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?
My favorite show is 'COPS.' You watch that show? That's my show, right there. I can watch people get arrested in the comfort of my own home.
I just don't know if women like me. I know when they don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'
Police don't just pull you over right away. They follow you. They follow you for like 10, 15 blocks, and you're like, 'Damn.' You just want to get out of the car: 'Just give me the ticket! Stop messing with me! OK, I ran through a red light -- take it!'
I would think the squad car cop is to the cop on a bike as the sketch artist is to the etch-a-sketch artist.
I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time. I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket. Don't laugh -- all of us do this stuff. I'm the only brother who got caught.
How do you catch criminals without guns? 'All right, we've got the place surrounded. Red rover, red rover, send the bad guy over.'
When I was 18 years old, one of my older brothers, he took me aside, and he told me he was gay. So, I called the police. I said, 'Could you send over a cop car? My brother's a homosexual.' They said, 'Sir, we cannot send over a cop car just...
If you can take care of yourself and make it to 90, starting at age 90, every year, one law no longer applies to you. Now it starts off small: when you turn 90, you can legally litter. You can litter whenever you want to. You just walk up to a cop...
