Most Popular Tags Today
1-20 of 335 Results
A blonde calls a pharmacy and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale, then the mother weighs herself alone...
A seven-year-old tells his four-year-old brother that they should start swearing. "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The four-year-old happily agrees.
At breakfast, the seven-year-old says, "Aw hell,...
At breakfast, the seven-year-old says, "Aw hell,...
A father sends his kid to bed. Five minutes later, the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The...
The dad says, "No. You had your chance."
A minute later the boy screams, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?"
The...
A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.
She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he...
She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he...
A simple tests to determine your preparedness for children:
MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the cat's litter box, then on the walls. Cover the stains with a coating of crayon. Place a fish...
MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the cat's litter box, then on the walls. Cover the stains with a coating of crayon. Place a fish...
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
"I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you...
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you...
A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and...
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and...
-- Accidents Happen: The Story of YOU
-- The Little Sissy Wimp Who Snitched
-- Some Kittens Can Fly
-- You Can Paint Anywhere!
-- Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
-- Bad Katy and the Mom Who Stopped Loving Her
-- The Attention Deficit
-- The Little Sissy Wimp Who Snitched
-- Some Kittens Can Fly
-- You Can Paint Anywhere!
-- Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
-- Bad Katy and the Mom Who Stopped Loving Her
-- The Attention Deficit
A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.
Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know...
Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know...
Did you ever have someone give advice, and right in the middle of them giving you advice, you realize that really they're just giving themselves advice through you? My father does this all the time. He calls me up on the phone; he goes, 'Leo, Leo,...
My father refused to turn up the heat because the body had its own heating mechanism: shivering. He'd say, 'I see your teeth are chattering. You know what that is? Heat. Kinetic energy. I bet your tongue ain't cold, is it?'
See, the rules have changed, men. It's a different world. I've got a mini van. My father never had a minivan. I grew up in the late 60s, early 70s. He had a '68 Chrysler with vinyl seats, he made a turn -- my brother and I were hanging out of the window. He didn't care. He was trying to lose us.
With Photoshop so readily available, there's no reason ever to have a party for a two-year-old.
It was probably a young woman, probably a teenager, lying in bed, very early in the morning. Her alarm clock goes off, and she goes, 'Oh my God, why did I set my alarm for 6:30? Oh yeah, I had an appointment to get an abortion. You know what? I...
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
There's this billboard in my neighborhood, and it says, 'Don't leave a baby anywhere,' which is true. I imagine the first rule of baby is to not leave it in the street. Don't even leave it with a knife or a sword -- even Excalibur.
Don't throw a baby at anything -- even a burglar.
I've been here eight months. I have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn't handle my mother.
