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A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl.
The psychic says, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."
The psychic says, "Yes, you are."
The frog replies, "Where? In a bar or at a party?"
The psychic says, "In biology class."
Free yourself from your mind... as well as your pants.
Getting good karma requires giving... and giving... and giving...
Did you feel that? Our energies just touched! And we should always follow our energies...
My third planet is misaligned. Can you adjust it for me?
In the neighborhood where I live, there's a fortune teller. I had never been there, so I decided that I was gonna go. It was such a scam. Lady had a crystal ball; she was predicting the most unamazing stuff: 'I see in your future a tall, dark man with big forehead.' I'm like, 'Uh, that's my reflection.'
Do you guys read your horoscopes? I don't read them because I think they're flimflam. It seems to me what they do is they write them really broad and vague just so they can get as many people as they can to sort of relate to them. What I think...
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought she could read minds when she got PMS.
I found out I have the von Trapp family in me.
I happen to enjoy it when I drive past one of those psychic advisor places that have gone out of business. They should have known -- I mean, of all people. It makes the whole industry look bogus when one of them closes, doesn't it?
In my past life I was a horse; now I'm just hung like one.
I don't think I'm cynical. I guess I am -- that whole new age thing -- I can't. It's not for me. I found my inner child and sexually abused it.
TV will drive your ass crazy. Psychic hotlines -- how many of y'all call the hotline? If they were really psychic, wouldn't they be calling your ass at home?
That's just what we need because humans haven't made up enough reasons to hate one another. Along with race, nationality, gender, sexual preference, religious or cultural differences -- now, if you're born in June, you're a prick.
This friend of mine is into all this holistic stuff, and she gave me these energy crystals. And what they are is -- they're crystals that you grind into a powder, then you blow them up your nose. It's incredible. I feel like I can talk all night. And I will.
I start to think that maybe there's something wrong with me. So, I went to go see a psychic, as opposed to a therapist. Therapists seem like a lot of commitment, go back week after week. Basically, I wanted magic, so I went to go see a psychic. I...
Dick Clark went to a psychic. She told him, in a previous life, he was Dick Clark.
