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Why is easy listening music so hard to listen to?
Want to go back to my place and listen to this band before they sell out?
You're spinning here on Monday? I'm spinning here on Monday!
Q: What is 200 feet long and has no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Jonas Brothers concert.
A: The front row at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Q: How can you tell if the drummer's platform is level?
A: Drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth.
A: Drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth.
How come you can play guitar and harmonica at the same time, like, you know, Bob Dylan or Neil Young? You're a genius. Make that extra effort to strap some cymbals to your knees, and people will cross the street to get the hell away from you.
I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker; I just really like certain songs.
If it wasn't for white people, who would play lead guitar?
The New Kids on the Block lip-syncing -- who gives a damn? That's like finding out the Muppets didn't sing their own music.
Everyone puts music now on their outgoing answering machine. Can we knock that off? You know they spent five hours going through their album collection to find the one song that most represents what they're all about. Like you're going to call up...
These phones don't even ring anymore. They play the National Anthem. I'm on the bus yesterday, this guy's phone rang like three times. Half of us stood up for our gold medals.
My kids keep me hip because we have MTV. That's how I know the new groups, the heavy guys. I know the heavy metal dudes: Guns N' Ammo, Bon Jersey, New Kids Down the Street -- I know those guys.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
I really like a lot of the stuff they did. It's just, sometimes, their fans get on my nerves.
They were both much more popular and more frequently cited since their deaths.
I hate mixed stations. They always try to play too many songs that don't fit together, you know? They try to slam all these different kinds of music together: 'That was Anne Murray, and now, Anthrax.' Oh, that should be good. You go from 'Wayne's World' to Wayne Newton's world in two seconds.
You wanna see the Grateful Dead? Come home with me!
Since I've been out of high school, I've been to 32 weddings. That's like 17-and-a-half miles of the electric slide, folks.
