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Jokes Tagged:
money (431)
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
Jokes Tagged:
money (431)
Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
Jokes Tagged:
money (431)
Do you ever get in debt? Do you know they call you? One guy called me every day last week. Finally I said, 'Look, every month I put everyone I owe into a hat. I pick three names; I pay those people. If you call me one more time, I'm taking you out of the hat.'
I don't know if you've ever had only five dollars in the bank, but guess what -- you can't get it out. You can't. You can visit your five dollars, you can call it on the phone, but you can't get it out.
Usually this is between me and my maker, but I'll share it with you -- 28% of what I'm earning tonight, I am giving to the United States government.
I have a five-gallon jar at my house I like to fill with change. I don't stop 'til I reach tip-top and that little bell goes off, and I know Cargo Pant Day is here at last, and I dance. And I put the cargo pants on with a belt -- extra tight...
You ever feel like you get a little extra money, run into a few bonus bucks somewhere -- and then something happens right away to just suck it right out of your hands? Has it gotten to the point where you can't even take the anxiety of having...
They say money changes people, and I say hook that sh*t up. I'm about due for some alterations. I don't care if money changes me into a 300-pound chinchilla with herpes simplex two.
I've been spending a lot of time in casinos because, apparently, I have a gambling problem. But I have learned something important to pass on to you about how to deal with casinos when you're there. Go get $100 in quarters when you arrive. Then,...
Going to the ATM for me is a lot like playing the slot machines. I never know if anything's gonna come out of there.
I've got really bad credit. I'm not even going to front; it's pretty bad. I just got turned down for a magazine subscription.
I love when I get a piece of mail, and above my name, it says, 'You've already been approved.' I am telling you, pre-approval -- is that not such sweet, sweet serendipity? For me, that's like the perfect hit. I get that natural high. I liken it to...
I reached into this pocket and found a $10 bill. You know that feeling, that moment in time? You get so excited about $10 bucks. That's when you know you're poor.
I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.
Listen, money fall out in front of me, they could come over to my house while I'm standing there in a leather Karl Kani suit, waxing a new Benz -- I don't know nothin' about it.
I went to an ATM today. Why would a homeless guy peddle for cash at the ATM? We're at the ATM 'cause we don't have any cash, and you're not getting a $20, bitch.
I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later,...
A few days later,...
