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Every year, I go home, and I always go back to my old neighborhood and walk around. Everybody's standing on the street corners holdin' their nuts. Everybody -- in the middle of the day -- 'What's up, man? Motor City all up in it, yo.' And these are the women!
My toughest year was my freshman year. You're new. I couldn't get one date, not one date, the entire freshman year. I could not get one date. I spent that whole year -- well, they call it 'stalking' now, but, you know, don't put labels on my love -- that's what I say.
I married a perfectly good whore -- ruined her with love and matrimony.
You wake up one morning, and you're talking alike. The next thing you know, you're dressing alike. Then you start blowing your friends off, telling your family to go to hell, skipping school, skipping work -- just living in each other's ass.
I've been dating a lot of younger women. Well, they're out there. I didn't mean to do it. And a lot of my older female friends, they're always ragging on me, like, 'What could you possibly have to talk about with a woman who's 15 years younger...
The problem with marriage is it involves men and women.
I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on -- the summer or something like that -- but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.
I love women, I really do. I like my women like I like my coffee: tied up in a sack and thrown on the back of a donkey by Juan Valdez.
Ladies, you shouldn't do that. You know why? 'Cause we don't even care if you have them. You're totally wasting your time.
I don't even have hair anymore -- I have hairs. Do you understand the difference? When you have hair, you can style it. When you have hairs, you can count them.
I did a benefit for a feminist organization. Now benefit means 'no money,' so I should be able to say what I want to say. And I figured if I pissed them off, who cares? What, they're going to get mad and pay me? So it's all feminists -- Gloria...
The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man,...
Jokes Tagged:
sex (2512),
men/women (1833),
news & politics (658),
Bill Clinton (73),
Wanda Sykes (39)
When you get married, you stand there and you say ''Til death do you part.' That's what you say in the marriage vows -- make that vow, stay together forever. The divorce rate is sky high, so everybody's just lying their asses off. Why don't we...
Guys don't buy you free drinks like they used to. They don't. Remember the good old days? You'd go to your local bar, and the bartender would come over and say, 'Excuse me, ma'am, the gentleman way over there in the corner, he would like to buy...
That's proof right there that men and women are on different levels because men can watch two women together and that's a turn-on. It doesn't work the same way for us, does it, ladies? No, uh-uh -- it doesn't work the same. You ask any woman in...
That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it -- if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time?...
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
You know you gotta lose some weight when your girlfriend wants to lick your titties.
Jokes Tagged:
sex (2512),
men/women (1833),
lookin' good (555),
weight/obesity (384),
Reggie McFadden (6)
My friend goes, 'If you're going to use Rogaine, just put it somewhere you're going to remember to use it everyday.' So I put it right next to my Prozac. But now it just feels really pathetic using both of these products at the same time, 'cause if either one works, I don't really need the other one.
Thirty-two is weird because I'm not really young anymore, but I'm not really old yet. I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne. So, physically it's all...
