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Jon and Dan are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.
Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor...
Jon is called into the doctor's office first. The doctor...
Jokes Tagged:
mental health (124)
Jokes Tagged:
mental health (124)
A hospital psychologist decided to take his mental patients to a baseball game. He coached his patients with simple cues to avoid unwanted anxiety and social awkwardness.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going...
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going...
I actually had anxiety for so long I went to a psychiatrist. And I said to the guy, 'I'm constantly anxious. What do I do?' He told me I had obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was shocked. I had to call him nine times to make sure he was certain.
I have a very addictive personality. In fact, I just bought a book on addiction. I love it. I can't put it down.
Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as he runs through the halls of the asylum. An orderly asks Willy what he's doing.
Willy replies, "I'm going to Chicago for the weekend."
The orderly enters another patient's room and...
Willy replies, "I'm going to Chicago for the weekend."
The orderly enters another patient's room and...
I think, in most cases, the difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'
I was very sad and depressed, and then I thought, 'Hold on, man -- I'm not a loser! I've tried; I am a failure.'
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go...
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go...
Yo' therapist so crazy, she interpretin' her own dreams.
I don't have any sympathy for people who suffer from low self-esteem. You don't need to love yourself. You just need to hate a lot of other people, then grade yourself on the curve. Hey, I might suck, but I don't suck as bad as Hitler.
My name is Milt Abel, and I'm a passive-aggressive. That's what this counselor labeled me, which really ticked me off, but I couldn't do a thing about it -- not right then, but I made plans.
A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
I had a huge breakthrough today. In therapy, I finally got to the root of my problem. Apparently, I think I'm a piece of sh*t that the world revolves around.
I should have known that my shrink was a little crazy because, in the first session, he says to me, 'Chuck, you shouldn't live in the past because you could die from small pox.'
I'm kind of mad at my psychiatrist because I just found out that he's in therapy, which, apparently, is common practice. All psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. The most neurotic portion of the population is in charge of mental health.
I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.
Like if you're Jewish you have to wear a hat, but only in the middle of your head. But it all becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.
The first thing that strikes you when you go home and you've been away for a while is you've become a different person from your family: not better, not worse, just different. I grew up in a very Italian family, and I felt out of place. I didn't...
