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Do you know what conceited is?
Conceited is a peasant floating down the river on his back, jacking off, and screaming, "Raise the drawbridge!!!"
What does a guy say when he's going to masturbate?
"I'm gonna to go hit the sack!"
Don't knock masturbation...
It's sex with someone I love.
The idea of a guy having two women at the same time amazes me. The closest I get to a double-team is when I'm masturbating and switch hands.
A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother.
The young boy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the...
There was an old man from Nantucket
Who had a cock so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a pussy, I'd fuck it!"
Who had a cock so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a pussy, I'd fuck it!"
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him, and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did about sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan...
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, “I think I was just molested back there.”
The bus driver...
A man is participating in a golf tournament. He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a...
Q: Why do they pay sperm donors?
A: Because otherwise they'd stop coming!
What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?
They both stick their meat between 4-year-old buns!
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He...
A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing...
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.
If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.
Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems. Every time they would do it, she would complain about splinters, so Pinocchio went to Gepetto about the problem.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to...
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in...
A newlywed couple had a slight problem when it came to doing the deed. The idea of openly confessing their sexual desires was too difficult for them. Finally, they both sat down to resolve their problem. They agreed that anytime either partner...
Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the...
1. Cover your stump before you hump.
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can't go...
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can't go...
Yo Mama is like a refrigerator. Meat goes in and out all day.
