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A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. "You have to wear a tie," says the bouncer.
The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck, and goes back to the club.
The bouncer lets him...
The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck, and goes back to the club.
The bouncer lets him...
Jokes Tagged:
lookin' good (489)
Q: What are they doing about the mysterious hole discovered at the Carefree Nudist Camp?
A: Nothing -- the police won't look into it.
A: Nothing -- the police won't look into it.
Jokes Tagged:
lookin' good (489)
Jokes Tagged:
lookin' good (489)
I need glasses really bad, and it turns out I can't wear them, medically, because my eyebrows are too g**damn big. I'm not wearing glasses. And I got big nostrils, also. It looks like I have a beard, but that is the shadow of my nostrils. If I...
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
Sometimes I wear two wallets so it looks like I have an ass.
I got a huge head, one of the bigger heads you'll see on the show tonight. I know it's a big head because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.
I finally did it. I went out and got some cosmetic surgery done. I had my chin removed and my ears enlarged. It sucks having no chin, man. In the last two weeks alone, I've lost 17 motorcycle helmets.
A lot of bars have black lights, and when a bar has black lights, everybody looks very cool -- except for me because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
This is day 14 of my head held hostage by this god awful haircut.
What kind of tattoo would a librarian get? 'Books kick ass'? 'Shut the f**k up and read'?
I went to the tanning salon a couple of weeks ago, this place called Tantastic. I had never been in my life. I didn't know how the whole tanning process worked. I go in -- stupid girl that works there didn't tell me where those little goggles go;...
I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped...
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped...
A milkman comes across an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out with just a bath towel around her.
She confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk...
She confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk...
A woman with small breasts buys a finely carved mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door.
The next morning, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs size 44."
There is a flash of light, and...
The next morning, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobs size 44."
There is a flash of light, and...
Q: What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?
A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.
A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.
Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off, you wonder where her boobs went.
A: When you take it off, you wonder where her boobs went.
