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Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
Jokes Tagged:
laws (214)
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed...
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds,...
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds,...
I saw the judge actually sentence somebody to 140 years. This guy jumped up, told the judge, 'Man, I can't do 140 years!' The judge said, 'Do what you can.'
I'd always believed that old saying that the first 15 minutes in jail were the toughest, until I experienced the five minutes after that.
They had me empty out my pockets. They took my wallet, my keys, my shoelaces -- everything, except my pride -- that and my fears and my hopes and dreams and my love of origami and my ability to create the illusion of walking against the wind.
To pass the time, I gave nicknames to everything in my cell. The sink I called 'toilet' and the toilet, 'sink,' and the floor was 'Old Floory.'
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
You know where they do send your taxes? They give it to prisons, so prisoners can have weights to lift. You believe that? We've got muggers and murderers, and they're getting stronger. So when they get parole, they can mug your ass better than they did before they went in.
I think if you go to jail for something you didn't do, you should get credit towards another crime.
A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few...
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few...
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others...
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others...
- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
- Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
- It would be perfectly...
- Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
- It would be perfectly...
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I...
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I...
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must...
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars -- there's nothing left! This must...
They got too many rules on the job. I used to work at this restaurant called Cracker Barrel. I was a dishwasher in the restaurant, and I was a good dishwasher, but they had too many rules. The supervisor called me in the office one day, and he's...
Do you ever go into a store and you happen to be carrying something that they sell in that store and then start to get all paranoid that they're going to think that you stole it? That happened to me recently at the gun store.
There's this billboard in my neighborhood, and it says, 'Don't leave a baby anywhere,' which is true. I imagine the first rule of baby is to not leave it in the street. Don't even leave it with a knife or a sword -- even Excalibur.
Don't throw a baby at anything -- even a burglar.
He's like the nicest man in the world. He could say something nice about anybody -- I mean, anybody. So finally one day I got fed up with it. I said, 'Alright, Dad, what about John Wayne Gacy? Killed 35 people, buried them under the house.' My father goes, 'Well, he's not lazy, and he's a home owner.'
