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No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your...
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kids (630)
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend...
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kids (630)
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave...
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kids (630)
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and...
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kids (630)
A nine-year old boy goes into the grocery store, grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
"Nope," says the boy, "not for my mom."
The cashier...
"Nope," says the boy, "not for my mom."
The cashier...
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and says,''Try it dad.''
The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because...
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kids (630)
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
A little kid goes to his first movie alone. He buys one ticket and goes in.
A minute later, he comes back out to buy another ticket. The man at the counter asks, "Why do you want another one?"
The kid replies, "Because that man over there ripped the first one in half."
A minute later, he comes back out to buy another ticket. The man at the counter asks, "Why do you want another one?"
The kid replies, "Because that man over there ripped the first one in half."
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, one named Dick, and one named Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pee jumps around outside.
The teacher...
The teacher...
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kids (630)
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ''Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?''
His mother smiled and gave...
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kids (630)
Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came back down with two fifty.
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kids (630)
One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused: “Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?” Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a...
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kids (630)
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.”
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. “Well, said Mr....
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kids (630)
Q: Do you remember blowing Mr.Bubbles when you was a kid?
A: Well, he called me last night and told me to tell you ‘hello’.
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don't answer him. - Michael, 14
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
Stay...
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don't answer him. - Michael, 14
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
Stay...
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa...
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kids (630)
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for...
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kids (630)
One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit. He called out, “Hey mom, I have no cavities today.”
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised. But she smiled and then frowned knowing the...
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kids (630)
Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, “Joey what are you doing?” Joey replied, “Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized yesterday and it still hurts.” So the teacher sent Joey to...
Jokes Tagged:
kids (630)
