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Wow, you have your own apartment? Yeah, it's probably nicer than my room at the Y.
I was like, 'Damn, do I look homeless?' But then I thought about it, and you know what? It could have been my first day of homelessness. You see, because on your first day of homelessness, you don't look that homeless. You don't stink yet, your...
You ever been to Southern California? It rains, and the houses fall down... And they don't understand why this happens. In California, they figure, 'Here's a cliff. Let's build a house right there!' And they don't understand why it fell. If you...
You take a glass, and you wrap it in paper, and you put it in the box. You take another glass; you wrap it in paper, you put it in the box, and you finish the box. You close it and you write, 'Glasses' on it. But after about two days, you just...
Harry and Martha drank their coffee as they listened to the morning weather report.
"There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street."
Harry got up from his coffee to...
"There will be three to five inches of snow today. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street."
Harry got up from his coffee to...
Yo' Mama's so ugly, if ugly were bricks, she could build homes for all the homeless.
Yo' Mama is so poor, I sat on a garbage can, and she told me to get off her roof.
Yo' Mama is so poor, I threw a rock through her window and hit everyone inside.
If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'
I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons. I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.
I'm trying to do my bit to save the planet. I called one of these organic exterminators. They advertise 'all natural, no harmful chemicals.' I got such a bad headache from that. All that stomping -- what a mess!
A few years ago, I was moving a new bed into my apartment, and this woman who lived in the building opened the front door for me with her key. She said, 'I'm not worried because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that.' That's how she started the...
A tornado knocked down my trailer. Can I go home with you?
Yo' Mama's house is so dirty, I had to wipe my feet before I went outside.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she had to get a take a second mortgage on her cardboard shelter.
Yo' Mama is so poor, the front door and the back door of her house are on the same hinge.
