Most Popular Tags Today
1-20 of 86 Results
On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback sits at a traffic light next to a kid on a shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well,...
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well,...
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
-- I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
-- Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
-- She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
-- If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
-- Have someone check the goodies before they go into your mouth.
-- Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
-- She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
-- If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
-- Have someone check the goodies before they go into your mouth.
Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.
Q: Why did Santa have to have his balls removed?
A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.
A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to satisfy and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SYMPTOM:...
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SYMPTOM:...
I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid, everyone gets a valentine. It's like, 'To Tim: Nice pants! Love, Scott.'
Yo' Mama is so old, she got mistaken for a lost resident by the cemetery keeper.
A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"
Yo' Mama is so poor, she told your little sister that Santa Claus was dead.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she has to trick-or-treat over the phone.
Three Englishmen drink in a bar and spot an Irishman in the corner.
The first Englishman starts to taunt the Irishman, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The second Englishman...
The first Englishman starts to taunt the Irishman, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The second Englishman...
Q: What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Q: If mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day, what do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
A: Palm Sunday.
Jeff Dunham: Penicillin for Valentine's Jeff Dunham and Walter Jeff Dunham: Happy VD.
Walter: It was funny in junior high, and it's still funny now. I was going to buy you chocolates, but I could only afford the penicillin.
Walter: It was funny in junior high, and it's still funny now. I was going to buy you chocolates, but I could only afford the penicillin.
To hell with Santa! If he's such a big shot, how come he has to work at Macy's?
Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.
