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I stayed at a hotel last week in Washington, D.C. It was the Abraham Lincoln Suites, and they have these Abraham Lincoln quotes everywhere. And one of them was like, 'Whatever you are, be a good one.' I just don't feel like he should get credit...
history
Jokes Tagged: history (110)Mike Birbiglia (50) 
I cannot tell a lie. You've started a revolution in my pants.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
You know, they also used to call me "The Great De-pants-inator."
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. These dentures aren't the only thing on me that's made of wood.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Look, we can debate this all night...
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Baby, let's unite the way I united the North and South.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. Baby, YOU'RE my first lady.
history
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Come on, I haven't four-scored in seven years!
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. All those other guys are just Minutemen.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Let me know if my beard tickles.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. I'd cross the Delaware for a night with you.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I've got the beginnings of a log cabin in my pants.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Can I leave my hat on?
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. I call this "the cherry tree"... but not because of the fruit.
history
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
If you're one score and one year old, call me!
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. Let's go back to my estate where I can watch you mount Vernon.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Can I give you my Gettysburg address? No? How about my Gettysburg phone number?
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
I cannot tell a lie. I'd like to be the father of your country.
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Don't you want to know why they call me "The Rail Splitter?"
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Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110) 
Care to join me at the theater this evening?
history
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)history (110)