Jokes tagged with 'health' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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Your Search for "health" found 734 results in Jokes

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A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor't; says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please?...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
An abrasive businessman in the hospital constantly berates the medical staff. Only the head nurse will stand up to him.

One day she tells him, "I have to take your temperature. I'm sorry, but for this reading, I cannot use an oral...
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
How do two psychiatrists greet each other?

''You are fine, how am I?''

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Q: What do the toes say when they meet?

A: There is a fungus among us.
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?

A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move -- I'll be right back."

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement,...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room!

Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can't see him!!

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
My doctor is so funny - he keeps me in stiches!!!
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
And so am I.
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A man went to the doctor to get a physical. After the doctor examined him, he told the man he had some bad news... he had cancer and alzheimers.

The man replied, '' Well, at least I don't have cancer.''

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Q: What's brown and on the piano bench?

A: Beethoven's last movement.
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
Q: What's the difference between a rectal and oral thermometer?

A: The taste.

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The rash continues to get worse and worse, so the man decides to see a doctor. He goes in to the clinic where the staff runs a battery of tests. After several minutes, the doctor comes back in the...
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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news."

"Tell me the bad news" says the man.

"Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
One guy had three balls, so he went to the doctor. He was too shy to tell the doctor his story so he told him, "Let's just say me and you together have 5 balls in total."

So the doctor replied, "What! you've got four!?"

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
There was a husband and a wife. The husband was very sick, so the wife took him to the hospital and the doctor checked him out. Then the doctor asked the wife to come into his office so they could talk about what was wrong with her husband.

...

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Jokes Tagged: health (734) 
A man and his son are in a car accident and are rushed to the hospital. But when he's wheeled into the OR, the doctor looks at the boy and says "I can't operate on this boy! He's my son!" Who's the doctor?

His mother.

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Jokes Tagged: health (734)