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There was a man getting on my flight, he only had one arm, just one... I'm watching him get on the plane, and all I could think was 'Please let me sit next to him.' And I did. Wrong side. Believe me when I tell you, he fought for the arm rest.
A man goes to his seat on an airplane and finds a parrot in the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes by, and when the man asks her for a coffee, the parrot squawks, "And get me a whiskey, you cow!"
The flustered...
The flustered...
A crowded flight is cancelled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.
The agent replies, "I'm...
The agent replies, "I'm...
A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump.
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you...
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you...
A young paratrooper went for his first jump from an airplane. Afterwards, he called his father to tell him the news.
"We got in the plane, and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked...
"We got in the plane, and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked...
We don't allow smoking in the lavatories, but we can make an exception for my pole.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I push my beverage cart by you again?
Sorry, no creams or liquids allowed--but if you leave your cream here, I'll make you cream later.
Wow, you have a lot of baggage. Do you need to unload on me?
Everything is messed up. The air travel -- you know that's messed up. Remember the good old days? You roll up curbside, check a box of grenades -- clear on the through to Chicago.
They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a smoker, you're an example to other people. You're an exhibit at a futuristic zoo.
The flight attendant got on the back microphone the last flight I was on. She goes, 'Hi, my name's Mindy. We're sixth in line for takeoff, so I thought we'd play some games while we're waiting to take off. I want every row, as a team, to guess the...
They can get rid of page three, that's the water landing section. There is no useful information there. At the top, they show you how to use your seat-bottom cushion as a flotation device. I don't want to present myself as a genius, but if I am...
Did you ever walk by the people in first class? Don't they have an attitude? 'Sorry, I didn't mean to look at you. I'm just a piece of sh*t heading into the poor area.'
They look at you like, 'We get on the plane first, and we get our drinks first.' You hit the mountain first, too, OK?
Here's something I never understood about airplanes -- I fly a lot -- why under my seat in the airplane is there a floatation device? What good is that gonna do me 30,000 feet in the air? Unless it can float on clouds, this sh*t is not gonna help me too much.
