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fashion (114)
Nice rags. I love how they cling to what's left of your festering carcass.
After graduating from college, Joe was increasingly hampered by worse and worse headaches. By his 30th birthday, he decided to seek medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who could...
Nice rags. Haven't I seen you rooting around the same pile before?
Haven't I seen that ironic t-shirt somewhere before?
Can you help me pick out a design for my next tattoo?
That sport jacket totally matches your sneakers.
Wow, your t-shirt is even more ironic than mine!
That flannel makes you look particularly undernourished in this garage light.
Can you imagine if you had a pair of shoes that you could only walk in? That could be kind of limiting under certain circumstances. 'Everybody get outta here! There's a swarm of bees coming!' What? Oh great, I got my walking shoes on today. I guess I better stroll the hell out of here at a moderate pace.
You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on -- and they homeless?
Animals have two vital functions in today's society: to be delicious and to fit well.
I can understand no wallets at Old Navy, but no ties? What am I supposed to wear with my mock-ribbed turtleneck and purple camouflage cargo pants? I've got a funeral to go to.
For a long time, babies don't wear real clothes, they wear costumes... My mother in Boston sent us a business suit -- a little suit, a little man's suit: little black pants with a white shirt and a bowtie and a little red sportcoat -- like he's...
You fellas seen these nursing bras? Cup opens right up. You got a snap on the cup: cup -- poof -- opens right up. Where have these been? I spent 16 years with my hand behind her back, 'What is that a staple? A button? Little help?'
I'm a Jewish guy. Saw another Jewish guy on the street wearing a pink yarmulke. I walk closer, not only was it a pink yarmulke, it was made to look like a slice of watermelon. I think if God is so easygoing he tolerates your summer fun pink watermelon yarmulke, he'd probably be cool with no yarmulke.
I buy a bathing suit every year. Why? Because I can't get enough of the act of humiliation, ladies and gentleman. Generally, guys, do you buy bathing suits every year? No, of course not. You're guys. You cut off a pair of slacks, call it summer.
I love lingerie -- oh my God. I even have a subscription to the Victoria's Secret catalog. Well, I don't have a subscription, my neighbor does. She just hasn't received it for a couple of years.
Hot' is when you got on the latest thing in the stores, right off the rack -- you just hot. Or I could have just got 'hot to death.' Now, 'hot to death' is when you sharp, fly and hot all in one. When you hot to death... if you shall die, when you...
