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I have such a dilemma. There is a guy at my gym with no legs, and I feel really awkward around him every time I see him. So I tried to make a connection. I said, 'Hey Dan. Working on arms again today?'
I don't think she loves me. I think she's just having sex with me for the exercise, so when she meets a guy she's in love with, she's still in good shape. Here was a clue. We're doing it, and all I'm hearing is 'Oh, Chuck, more -- and four more...
You ever do the Lifecycle? You know, you're on there for hours. It's a stationary bicycle: you pedal, you go nowhere for hours. They should call this the 'get a life-cycle.'
I moved to L.A., so, you know, I joined a gym, because it was either that or a gang.
I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.
Their arms are so huge, they can't get their hands in their pockets. I don't know how they take a leak. They must have to use prongs or something.
I thought yoga was easy -- I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour -- nothing -- just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that -- I know I can't do that. This...
I go over to this other area where there's nobody around, and I got into this one thing, but I got into it wrong, apparently. I don't know where your arms and legs are supposed to go, so I just get in there and I just start moving stuff. This guy...
I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it -- like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.
I went to a gay gym -- I don't know if a building can actually be gay -- I went to a gym where a lot of gay people worked out. And they were real gym rats, too, you know? The guys were in there pressing 40 bajillion pounds; women are pressing twice that. I'm in there, I got like a broomstick and two bagels.
Thirty ways to shape up for summer -- number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three... What was I talking about? I'm so hungry right now.
I belong to a gym now. Well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.
Running is never fun. Running is something you do when there's a man chasing you with a knife.
I quit smoking cigarettes about a year ago. I gained 18 pounds. So, now I have to wear a lot of black so no one knows what a big hunk of pig I turned into. No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds. It's really starting to kick my ass. I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.
Every gym, the water fountain situation -- always the same. There's always one water fountain everybody uses, then there's one three feet below it, next to it, no one touches. Who's it for? What little midget treasure trolls at your gym?
I saw a lady a few weeks ago at my gym... She was on the stationary bike, wearing a helmet. I was like, I have to do something here to mess with her; there's gotta be something I can do. I started looking around. I went to the pool, and I grabbed...
I hate the people that work at the gym. I don't even know what they're talking about. They're like, 'Hey man, what are you gonna target today, your lats or your quads? What are you gonna work on, your delts?' 'I'm gonna work on getting laid. That's why I'm here. If you could just point me to that machine.'
I'm taking a course here in New York in Italian martial arts. It's a lot like karate, lots of kicks and stuff, except there are two guys holding your opponent down.
I went and watched the New York City Marathon. It goes right by my apartment in Brooklyn, and I went with a group of friends. And all my friends are cheering for the runners; they're like, 'Whoo! Good job! Way to go! Keep it up, you're lookin'...
I'm walking around the gym, and I made the gruesome mistake of trying to get involved in a gym conversation -- which I have no business doing. These two bruisers are, like, talking back and forth to one another. The first guy's like, 'Hey what you...
