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education (98)
Three criminals are sentenced to exile in the desert and can only bring one personal item.
"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.
"I brought a water skin, so that when...
"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.
"I brought a water skin, so that when...
Jokes Tagged:
education (98)
Q: How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him up.
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him up.
Jokes Tagged:
education (98)
I can't stand when a person who's referring to an illiterate person, they say, 'Oh, he can't read or write.' Is there someone who can write but can't read? 'Raul can write like Shakespeare, but he can't read his own work.' Ah, the irocony.
The thing is -- I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish.
The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly.
The second guy asks the...
The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly.
The second guy asks the...
The kids doing drugs should be the only ones expected to get an 'A' in chemistry. 'Alright, I'll let you students know only one of you received 100% on the final lab exam: Brad Catlet for turning in the ounce of crystal meth.'
She says to me, 'When I go on road trips, I like to eat only at Denny's and analogues of Denny's.' Now, 'analogue,' if you don't know, means 'the same as.' I had no idea. In fact, I'm so unused to hearing the word 'analogue' that I thought she...
It's always better to have people think you're crazy rather than stupid 'cause stupid sucks. Nobody's nice to stupid people. Nobody even feels bad for them. If you're stupid, people just go, 'What are you -- stupid? You stupid sh*t.'
You know what I like about George Bush? He makes me feel like I could be president, too. No, he does. He's like the first guy, like, from my reading level, you know -- the first guy, like, from my math class to finally go out and do something!
I didn't understand that. How could something get closer to zero forever? It didn't make sense to me until I got some credit card bills.
I have to explain to this guy that Jack Daniel's has an apostrophe in it, and one guy honestly said, 'You mean he followed Jesus?' 'Yeah, sir, he was one of the 12 apostrophes.' Like an apostrophe would ever follow Jesus! They have to give up all...
The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a community college.
I think the Japanese are smart people -- stereotypically so.
Wouldn't it be great if our bodies were designed so that instead of bad things, good things could be transmitted through sex? Like skills. 'Oh baby, I'm gonna do you 'til you can juggle.' 'Oh my God, don't stop 'til I'm a carpenter, computer...
I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist -- and worse, she can prove it.
I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses -- just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.
The best part of the Miss Teen USA Pageant was the interview question, the verbal essay question. That was great because the question was, 'If you could interview any historic American, who would it be and why?' Talk about a deer in headlights,...
