Jokes tagged with 'education' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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Three criminals are sentenced to exile in the desert and can only bring one personal item.

"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.

"I brought a water skin, so that when...
education
Jokes Tagged: education (98) 
Q: How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him up.
education
Jokes Tagged: education (98) 
Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?

A: A tangent.
education
Jokes Tagged: education (98) 
Q: Why are fish so smart?

A: Because they live in schools.
animals
education
Jokes Tagged: animals (947)education (98) 
Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish.

The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly.

The second guy asks the...
men/women
education
Jokes Tagged: men/women (1718)education (98) 
Q: What does D.A.M stand for?

A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
news & politics
education
I can't stand when a person who's referring to an illiterate person, they say, 'Oh, he can't read or write.' Is there someone who can write but can't read? 'Raul can write like Shakespeare, but he can't read his own work.' Ah, the irocony.
education
Jokes Tagged: education (98)John Hoogasian (1) 
The thing is -- I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
education
It's the Collegiate Abridged Dictionary -- the word 'chair' is in there. What does this say about education in America? Are we to assume that somewhere in some college there are kids sitting around in a dorm room going, 'Where the hell is my...
college
education
America
If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.
education
I went to correspondence school. That really sucked -- no school spirit, our school color was manila.
college
education
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.
friends
death
education
Our professor was great, man, because he would say, 'In Zen, the beauty is in the contradiction. You try by not trying. You succeed by not succeeding.' So, I took the final exam by not going. Of course, I failed by not passing, too.
college
education
She's not that bright. She calls me up yesterday, 'John, the light bulb in the bathroom burned out. I don't know how to change it.' I said, 'First, you fill the tub with water.'
insults
dating
education
Women, you can weed out the bad men. Advocate more respect for yourselves. Anywhere you go, carry an English book. As soon as the guy comes up to you: 'Here, read paragraph one. Tell me what it's saying. Underline the verb once, the subject twice....
men/women
dating
education
They don't read here; they don't read the paper. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip. He thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.
city
education
I never understood the concept of summer school. The teacher's going to go up there and go, 'OK, class, you know that subject you couldn't grasp in nine months? We're going to whip it out in six weeks.'
kids
education
As soon as he misspelled that word, if the Secret Service had any brains, they would have rushed him, thrown him to the ground and said, 'The vice president's been shot.'
news & politics
vintage
education
I just finished college -- thank you. I didn't graduate. I just decided I was finished.
college
education
I went to college for, like, one second. I went to a college called DCCC. With that many C's, you know it can't be good. I think it stood for Delaware County Community College -- Correctional.
college
education