Jokes tagged with 'drugs' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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As pothead walks down the road, a genie appears in front of him. "I'll grant you two wishes," says the genie.

The pothead replies, "I want a never ending joint."

The genie says, "As you wish," and gives him the joint.

The...
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179) 
Everybody loves pot brownies. But I bring crystal meth cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the weirdo.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Nick Swardson (20) 
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others...
laws
Jokes Tagged: laws (214)drugs (179) 
A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on the way to the depot.

The police have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.
sex
Jokes Tagged: sex (2379)drugs (179) 
Q: What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?

A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.
lookin' good
Jokes Tagged: lookin' good (489)drugs (179) 
Q: Why do the Dallas Cowboys now play on dirt?

A: Because Leon Lett smoked all the grass and sniffed all the lines.
sports
Jokes Tagged: sports (623)drugs (179) 
Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
sex
Jokes Tagged: sex (2379)drugs (179) 
Q: What happens when you mix Viagra with Mr. Clean?

A: Rise and shine.
sex
Jokes Tagged: sex (2379)drugs (179) 
Q: What do you call the new mint-flavored birth control pills women can take before sex?

A: Pre-d**k-a-mints.
sex
Jokes Tagged: sex (2379)drugs (179) 
By round of applause, how many people in here know somebody that smokes weed? I don't have a joke for that, I'm just trying to find a connection.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Big Kenny (2) 
I don't have a joke about mushrooms, just some advice: do 'em -- seriously.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Chris Porter (3) 
Hugs are great, but -- better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Artie Lange (6) 
How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, you all use candles.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Susan Messing (2) 
How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who cares? You're all stoned.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Susan Messing (2) 
You know what gives me a rush? Methamphetamines.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Retta (12) 
Cocaine is yucky. I did it once: I was at a party; I was bored. I was like, 'Alright, I'll do a line.' Then I was just bored longer.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Bonnie McFarlane (9) 
I don't have much of a memory at all. No, I really don't. I think it's the drugs -- prescription and some under the counter, as well -- but, I mean, it's just gone. I'm really bad with names. I mean, I can meet someone, they tell me their name,...
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Sean Rouse (1) 
For years and years, Arj Barker was high on life, but eventually, I built up a tolerance.
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Arj Barker (33) 
The whole first week, I thought I was psychic. I thought I had new powers all of a sudden, you know. I'd be like, 'Where are my keys? Oh, they're in my pocket.' How did I know that? Oh my gosh!
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Nick Swardson (20) 
Let me ask you this rhetorically -- which means don't answer me when I ask it: would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?
Jokes Tagged: drugs (179)Paul F. Tompkins (19)