Ethel loves to charge around the nursing home in her wheelchair. Due to her eccentric nature, other residents tolerate her behavior and even play along.
As Ethel speeds down one corridor, a door opens and a man steps out with his arm...
-- All men are idiots, and I married their king. -- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. -- I brake for no apparent reason. -- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. -- Out of my mind. Back...
A lot of times, I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.
I'm getting a new car. You know what kind of car I'm getting? I'm getting a Honda Civic because those are very safe cars. And I know 'cause I saw a guy total one the other day when I ran him off the road.
I was actually in my car today, and I was just driving, and I noticed a guy on the sidewalk holding a cardboard sign that said, 'Where will you spend eternity?'. And that kind of freaked me out because I was on my way to the DMV.
You ever been on the highway, and your side's just cruising, no problem? The other side is backed up miles and miles in traffic. It's a good feeling, isn't it? I don't even enjoy the guy stuck in the middle as much as the guy who's 10 miles back who doesn't see it coming.
A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes...
On the drive over to his girlfriend's house, a guy listens to a call-in sex show on the radio. The host is explaining that masturbating before sex can help men last longer. The guy decides to give it a try.