Jokes tagged with 'death' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would...
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
There once was a boy named "Odd."

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.

Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
-- I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?

A: Is that you coughin'?
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
There was a bear taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey, rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"

"No," said the rabbit.

"That's great!" The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would...
death
Jokes Tagged: death (167) 
Hey babe, rigor mortis has set in, if you know what I mean...
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Oh no, it was probably when I ate your brain.
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
We're the perfect match--you're drop-dead gorgeous, and I recently dropped dead.
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
No, you mean over MY dead body!
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
What time do you have to be back in Heaven? Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet--and the dead bodies of people whose brains I've eaten.
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
I've got the biggest, hardest slab in the cemetery!
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
Why don't we just go back to my place and rot?
death
Jokes Tagged: booty call (580)death (167) 
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.

A few days later,...
money
death
Jokes Tagged: money (431)death (167) 
After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."

They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years....
sex
death
Jokes Tagged: sex (2379)death (167) 
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make...
aging
death
Jokes Tagged: aging (239)death (167) 
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with...
technology
death
Jokes Tagged: technology (345)death (167) 
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his...
religion
death
Jokes Tagged: religion (507)death (167) 
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your...
marriage
death
Jokes Tagged: marriage (356)death (167)