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Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would...
The first guy says, "I would...
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
There was a bear taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey, rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"
"No," said the rabbit.
"That's great!" The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
"No," said the rabbit.
"That's great!" The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would...
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would...
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
There once was a boy named "Odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
-- I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed
Jokes Tagged:
death (166)
About a month ago, I got a cactus, and a week later, it died. I got really depressed because I was like, damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.
Hey babe, rigor mortis has set in, if you know what I mean...
Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Oh no, it was probably when I ate your brain.
We're the perfect match--you're drop-dead gorgeous, and I recently dropped dead.
What time do you have to be back in Heaven? Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet--and the dead bodies of people whose brains I've eaten.
I've got the biggest, hardest slab in the cemetery!
Why don't we just go back to my place and rot?
It's supposed to be an honor to be a pallbearer. I've never been carrying a casket, thinking, 'This is an honor.' I'm thinking, 'This is heavy. Are you guys even lifting back there? It's like dead weight on my end.'
I look at the world in a realistic way. Some people say the glass is half full; other people say the glass is half empty. I look at the glass and say, 'You know, if you fell on that it would shatter, and a shard of glass would cut your jugular, and you'd drown to death in a pool of your own gurgling blood.'
A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump.
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you...
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you...
I live every day like it's the last day of my life. Every morning I wake up real early, and I spend maybe three hours on the phone making funeral arrangements.
My other big obituary fear is, when I die, they'll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, 'He loved to laugh.' Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesn't tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- you're laughing! That's like saying, 'He hungered for food.'
