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15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels...
14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 - Thanks to you, Jack Daniels...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference. The guy downs the...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry,...
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry,...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A husband and wife are in bed when there is a knock at the door. The husband rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's 3:30 a.m. He drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
When he opens the door, there is a drunk slumped there. "Hi...
When he opens the door, there is a drunk slumped there. "Hi...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
When the Lord gave out brains, I thought he said trains and I missed mine! When he gave out looks, I thought he said books, and I didn't want any! When he gave out noses, I thought he said Four Roses, and I ordered a big one! When he gave...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye."
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A policeman stops a motorist and asks, "Excuse me, sir, have you been drinking?"
The motorist says, "Why -- do I got an ugly girl next to me?"
The motorist says, "Why -- do I got an ugly girl next to me?"
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.
"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty...
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
There were two men sitting on a wall outside a pub called the Queen's Legs. A policeman came along and said, “What are you doing?” The two men said, “We're were wating for the Queen's Legs to open so we can have a drink.”
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
Why do drunks throw up in the sewer?
So homeless people can have breakfast.
So homeless people can have breakfast.
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing....
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing....
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down next to him. Joe tells the bartender, “I'll take a large beer.”
The bartender says, “Do you want dry beer with no aftertaste, or brewed beer with aftertaste?”...
The bartender says, “Do you want dry beer with no aftertaste, or brewed beer with aftertaste?”...
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
Jokes Tagged:
alcohol (427)
