Most Popular Tags Today
Featured Stand-Up Comedians
1-20 of 39 Results
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The...
The...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he...
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he...
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what...
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what...
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the...
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the...
A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.
The...
The...
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the...
"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the...
An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm...
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm...
A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8.
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I...
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I...
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will...
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will...
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender...
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender...
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No --...
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No --...
Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, "Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink." The bartender gets him a drink.
Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.
Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he...
Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.
Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he...
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back...
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back...
Jokes Tagged:
Walks Into a Bar (39)
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in...
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the...
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the...
Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it...
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks,...
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks,...
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.
The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come...
The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come...
