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What we ought to do is come up with a magazine that would depict men in such a way that would finally excite and turn women on. Like, first of all, come up with a catchy title, call the magazine, 'Commitment.' Wouldn't that catch your eye? A...
I used to want to meet a guy that was kind, warm, loving; now, I'm happy if the guy has ears -- not that he'll listen, but that he can.
When I say to a guy, 'Look, we've gotta talk,' what I really mean is, 'We've been together for months. I've now twisted my personality into an emotional pretzel to accommodate your every need. I want to know your idea of commitment versus my idea...
I just got back from the Middle East. I performed for 15,000 men -- and then I did my comedy.
I think our country doesn't want us free; I think they want us sedated. You know, so we don't notice things -- like who's running it.
You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress -- and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?
I know there are a lot of wonderful adopted children, but they're not on the Jerry Springer show, OK? And that's the show that I watch.
Women still make 76 cents to every dollar a guy makes, and then we get told, 'Well, you chicks aren't good in math.' Well, you know why we're not good in math, Mr. Boss Man, Mr. Associate? It's because we know that things aren't equal.
Here we are starving ourselves to death for two groups of people that wouldn't want to screw us anyway.
Jokes Tagged:
pop culture (770),
lookin' good (489),
shopping (135),
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Vanessa Hollingshead (10)
I'm in London -- I'm in Piccadilly Circus -- and I feel this guy grab my knapsack. I turn around, and he's like, 'Oop! You caught me. I'm a pickpocket. Can I buy you a drink?' So, I had sex with him.
Jokes Tagged:
sex (2379),
international affairs (349),
travel (277),
laws (214),
Vanessa Hollingshead (10)
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