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I don't care how scrappy you are, you can't block a d**k punch.
In the middle of the game, he jumps up. He starts screaming at the top his lungs, he's like, '80,000 people! 80,000 people!' I go, 'Papa, what's wrong?' He goes '80,000 -- and that bird had to sh*t on me.'
People say to me, 'Tammy, where do you get your material?' I go, 'I wake up.'
Yeah, 'tittones,' that's the neighborhood word for breast. Doesn't that sound like the award you win for best cleavage? And the Tittone goes to....
Girls are trying to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect, do you know that? Men don't try to be perfect for us. We're lucky if they shower.
You're a double zero, and I'm a girl from the neighborhood. If I swing at you and miss, you'll die of pneumonia.
All you need to do is put a scale in your living room because there's not a woman alive who weighs herself completely dressed.
The only thing I don't like doing is helping people who lose their mobile homes to natural disasters. Because don't you know the definition of 'mobile'? Hook that son of a bitch up, Cooter, and drive.
Six million dollars a year -- you could pee on me every day at work. I will show up the next day, 'What time you gotta pee tomorrow, coach? You gotta take a dump? I could come in early.'
They're beautiful, but they're mean because they're hungry.
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