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I hate to fly. They say flying is safer than driving. That's a lie, isn't it? If your car stalls, you don't fall outta the sky.
Here's a little drinking tip for you ladies: if you're gonna drink, drink Jack Daniels. Ladies, you spend far too much money on cosmetics. For $12 bucks, you can have a man with a bottle of Jack going, 'God, you're beautiful.'
My mom's American Indian; my dad's from Ireland. There's a drinking problem waiting to happen.
Tequila -- that's what makes you drunk right there; that's what'll get you drunk in the bar. You see, I think that's what the world's divided up into. It's not a man/woman thing or a black/white thing, it's a tequila thing. I think there're people...
You're never too poor for good toilet paper. That's a law.
I look at divorce this way: it's better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.
I think men need to be married. Women are the other half of our brain. That's why God made us to be a couple. We come up with goofy ideas; the woman will think about that idea and the outcome and what can happen, stop you and save your life. That's why God made man and woman: 'Whoa, man! No!'
I knew my parents had sex. I just didn't think they liked it.
I don't know why you ladies complain about nasty lingerie. It never stays on that long.
Make you harder than a left turn -- downtown.
Your dad'll whack you a couple of times and move on. You piss off your mom: their eyes roll back, that third lip comes down. She whipped me with a dog collar one time -- dog still in it.
I love Wal-Mart, that's my favorite store. Yeah, I don't shop there -- I just go there when I'm depressed. You don't need Prozac. Just five minutes in there, you're like, 'Damn, my life ain't that bad.'
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business (153),
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Steve McGrew (14)
Just 'cause something's in style, doesn't mean everybody ought to wear it. I'm a fan of the tube top, but even a tire has a pressure limit.
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men/women (1718),
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Steve McGrew (14)
This girl had a tube top that said, 'Hottie.' I was thinking, 'This bitch has a good sense of humor.' 'Sweaty' might have been a better word. I don't know how big she was, but she had a tube top, those little hip huggers -- looked like a can of biscuits popped open.
Jokes Tagged:
men/women (1718),
insults (1620),
lookin' good (489),
weight/obesity (342),
Steve McGrew (14)
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