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I like stupid questions. Some guy's looking at this picture of me with no beard. Then he looks at me and goes, 'You grow a beard?' No, I shave my photos.
People do say stupid things. Like when someone you live with is going out, and they go, 'I'll be back.' Don't rub it in.
What's the big deal about flag burning? I know it's a symbol of America. So what? So is apple pie -- my mother used to burn those all the time.
I don't drink as much as I used to. I don't like those hangovers anymore. Wake up with a splitting headache; your memory comes back like a little radio in your head -- 'Good morning, fool. It's time for the news. You got drunk last night, and you...
Come from an Irish family. St. Patrick's Day was our big holiday. The night before, we'd hang up our stockings. In the morning, they'd be full of beer.
Some people hate bad waiters; I don't mind them. My mother, though, she'll tip a bad waiter a condom so he won't reproduce.
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