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I had a chance to go bungee cord jumping last week. They make it look cool on TV, don't they? You always see people doing those sports in Mountain Dew commercials: risking their life, sipping a Dew. If you're jumping out of a balloon, hooked to a...
I'm really trying to like baseball, but I finally figured out why I can't watch it: I have a pulse.
I like a sport where someone's getting injured. Of course, I watch presidential speeches just in case there's a sniper.
I don't eat right. I had cheese sticks for dinner tonight. It'd be healthier to take a bullet. At least a bullet would go through you.
I've got a friend who smokes five packs a day. He has to wear nicotine slacks. He says he's afraid to quit because he might get heavy. If he doesn't quit, there will be six friends going, 'Boy, he is heavy.'
Then they've got the products for the elderly. Have you seen the recliner that has a cushion that pushes you to your feet? If you can't get out of a chair, chances are you don't need to get out.
So I go to flea markets to save money... I love to go. I was at a great one last week. Actually, it was a trailer park. People just let me browse through their homes.
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