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Think about it: nondairy creamer, two words that should not be used to describe the same product. Kind of like turkey bacon -- what the hell is going on on that farm?
I love when I get a piece of mail, and above my name, it says, 'You've already been approved.' I am telling you, pre-approval -- is that not such sweet, sweet serendipity? For me, that's like the perfect hit. I get that natural high. I liken it to...
So I'm like, 'Hold up, slick. I thought McDonald's was supposed to have fast and friendly service.' She's like, 'That's at participating McDonald's, and we ain't participating.'
Two hundred sixteen times in three days -- yet some of you self-proclaimed 'macs' like to brag about doing it twice in an hour before slipping into a coma.
Ladies, have you ever been in the bathroom in a public place or at a party, and there is someone else who wishes to come in next, but instead of politely knocking on the door or gently trying the knob, they attack the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid?
So, fellas, please if you're not gonna shave it, aerosol spray it because we don't want to see all that feta cheese.
My mother would always get powdered milk. I hated it, but when we ran out, my brother and I would substitute nondairy creamer. What the hell is nondairy creamer? I once asked the guy at the grocery store. I was like, 'You know, what is nondairy...
My father refused to turn up the heat because the body had its own heating mechanism: shivering. He'd say, 'I see your teeth are chattering. You know what that is? Heat. Kinetic energy. I bet your tongue ain't cold, is it?'
I love classical music. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still black -- I still kick up the bass and pump up the volume.
As a black woman, I feel like it is my duty to impart some information on you, a veritable PSA, if you will. As a colored girl -- yeah, I said -- if I never hear another white boy say, 'You go, girl,' it'll be too soon. Kill it. Kill that noise....
She's like, 'I'm the only one who does work around here. If it weren't for me, nothing would get done.' And I'm thinking to myself, 'Yeah, I'm so sure you and your associates degree from community college are what keeps Citibank moving like a well-oiled machine.'
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