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It's sad to think about it, but let's face it -- the average American wouldn't know how to question authority if it was on the other end of a knock-knock joke.
People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it -- that's like a whore wearing a rosary.
Desert combat? I can't even stand the walk back from the beach to the car.
How would you like to be Michael Jackson's kid? I was embarrassed because my dad wore black socks with shorts. Imagine that freak following you around the mall -- you're just trying to fit in; he zips by in a jetpack, dressed like Shirley Temple.
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Paul Gilmartin (7)
I thought there was a beautiful irony in the fact that we had female pilots dropping bombs on the Taliban. I love that. I thought they should've had little pamphlets afterwards that they drop, said: 'This bomb was brought to you by Jennifer, who enjoys drinking, smoking and premarital sex.'
Have you seen the beauty pageants for the little girls, little five-year-old girls? They're really popular. Last one was so big, they had to hold it in one mother's personal emptiness.
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Paul Gilmartin (7)
I don't think I could raise kids in L.A., though. There's choppers searching for fugitives, like, once a month. What do you tell a kid? 'Daddy, what makes that noise at night?' 'Timmy, that's the sound of poorly planned escape routes and the fear of being sodomized.'
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