Folks, you say what you want about the crackheads, but when they're hard up for a fix, they are good workers. This guy raked my entire yard with a fork in 11 minutes.
A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge, and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. He goes, 'Hey, can you help out my wife and family?' I said, 'Sure.' And I pushed him off the bridge.
Rich people are bad in bed, and poor people are good in bed. That's because sex is free and poor people love free stuff. You will never get oral sex from a rich girl, but a poor girl will gobble your knob like a block of government cheese.
I am the worst investor in the world. You know what I did? I bought a rental car. That's like marrying a hooker: everyone else has been in it, and you've got to ignore the cigarette burns.