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I bought a real expensive water filter, but it works too good. I just get hydrogen.
I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is murder! Fur is murder!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'
I'm Jewish, but I don't really follow the religion. Last time I was in temple, I was 13. I made my two grand -- I got out of the business.
I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms.' And he said, 'Just a minute.' And I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'
Did you hear Quayle was in a meeting today? They were discussing AK-47s, and he stood up and yelled, 'Bingo!'
I just broke up with my girlfriend, and my father really helped me through the break up. He said, 'Would you forgot about this girl? She's no good in bed anyway.'
It's a gross city. It's so gross. I went to use a pay phone tonight; I pick up the pay phone, I put it to my ear, and there was, like, jelly on it -- well, that's what it tasted like.
I've seen the Traveling Wilburys. Is this the ugliest group you've ever seen in your life? You know the group is ugly when Tom Petty is the best looking guy. It's the only group where the roadies get laid first.
Jokes Tagged:
insults (1620),
pop culture (770),
lookin' good (489),
vintage (162),
music (107),
Mark Cohen (8)
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