Most Popular Tags Today
1-20 of 28 Results
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies -- you've got to draw a line there.
I think, in most cases, the difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'
A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What -- does he make...
I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something -- and then get it again and again and again.
They used to have a smoking section at most airports. No more. They now have these glass-encased rooms. You're not just a smoker, you're an example to other people. You're an exhibit at a futuristic zoo.
I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
It's not all about love. That's half of it... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.'
I'm afraid of the guy judging me because I don't want him to think I'm some sort of a freaky pervert. So now when I rent porn, I'll actually get a 'Dirty Debutantes' and 'Citizen Kane.' He knows I'm a masturbating loser, but I'm a sophisticated masturbating loser.
I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing -- unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.
They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets.
In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.
I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.
Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed? Are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reasonable human response to the crap we're going through as a species, meant to propel us into the next...
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
There is no way I'm getting my wife a gun because there is no way I'm not getting shot with that gun. Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.'
