Most Popular Tags Today
1-20 of 21 Results
I hate when people ask me the time on the street 'cause something happens to me. I just panic. I can't read my watch. When I'm alone, I'm great at reading my watch, but when someone asks me, I just have this anxiety attack, and I just can't make...
I like to talk to strangers. I like to go up to people I don't know and just start conversations with them, just start a conversation. Try it. But the way I do it, don't start the conversation in the beginning, just start it in the middle. Try it....
I don't know if you've ever had only five dollars in the bank, but guess what -- you can't get it out. You can't. You can visit your five dollars, you can call it on the phone, but you can't get it out.
The guy came up to me, my manager, the first day and said, 'I want you to go to all the tables, scrape the gum off with a butter knife.' And I was thinking, 'I'm not doing that. I'm definitely not doing it.' But I thought, why just say, 'No! The...
I've been living in this city for 15 years -- I have no idea where the train is going. I never know. You can't go by the dot on the side 'cause that's meaningless. They change it. You get on, the guy's like, 'This is V Train, but we're not making...
The worst thing is you can't really react. I'm on a rocket to the Bronx. I can't go, 'Oh my God, somebody help me! I don't belong on this train. That's not my area up there.' You can't do that... When you get there you gotta get out like, 'I'm home, yeah. Good to be back on Six-Trillionth Street.'
People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, 'Don't go to Harlem. You can never go there 'cause as soon as you get there, they kill you.' That's what people think. As soon as you arrive in Harlem, someone just stabs you in...
That's a very white attitude. You can take a white guy to Africa, and he'd be like, 'Look at all the minorities they got over here. Jesus!'
I did that on a date once -- I was wearing a bathing suit under my pants because I didn't do laundry. She wouldn't have known except for I had that white string flapping outside of my fly. She was like, 'What do you have -- a tampon in there? What the hell's wrong with you?'
Plenty of crazy people in New York. There are so many crazy people here, I think it's like one out of every one person is completely out of their mind.
It's always better to have people think you're crazy rather than stupid 'cause stupid sucks. Nobody's nice to stupid people. Nobody even feels bad for them. If you're stupid, people just go, 'What are you -- stupid? You stupid sh*t.'
We spend all our time now on customer service phone calls. I used to read when I was on the toilet, but now that's when I make customer service calls.
They have people at the bank, they go, 'OK, some of these people don't have enough money, so we better take their money away from them because they have so little.' That's it. There's no explanation better than that. If you have a lot of money,...
My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.
I was driving in Manhattan. There's traffic, nobody's moving... The guy behind me is honking just at me. He kept yelling at me. I decided that I'm gonna argue with this guy, but I'm gonna argue about something else. I'm not having his argument;...
Nobody ever wins an argument. Nobody ever goes, 'Oh, I'm wrong.' Somebody eventually just goes, 'Shut up. We gotta eat, so let's shut up for minute.'
I love being married, it's great, but I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, 'What's wrong with you?' And I'm like, 'I...
I don't care about the weight. You know, I'm lucky; I'm one of those people -- I can eat donuts, whatever, and I just get fat.
Some people name their kids a word, like Sunshine or Battery or something like that. I like to name my kid a whole phrase, something like Ladies and Gentlemen. That would be a great name for a kid, you know. 'This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen.'...
I like New York. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, 'Hey, that's mine. Don't pee on that.'
