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You give me a tree that can live off glass, cigarette butts and pebbles -- that's a real tree. No this 'I need sunshine' crap, no way. Our trees come up -- the branches are in the shape of middle fingers.
See, the rules have changed, men. It's a different world. I've got a mini van. My father never had a minivan. I grew up in the late 60s, early 70s. He had a '68 Chrysler with vinyl seats, he made a turn -- my brother and I were hanging out of the window. He didn't care. He was trying to lose us.
I don't want to lose weight. My tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.
What do you do -- eat the right foods, exercise? Live 'til you're 97 so your relatives can empty your urine bottle every five minutes? Oh, thanks for living so long, Grandpa. All I want to do is tend to your bodily fluids!
The male bull elephant is a solitary creature, only joining the herd for mating and courtship.' That's a direct quote from the Discovery Channel. So other than that, he's over here eating, sleeping and pooping, and the rest of the herd is fine...
Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful poop that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of crap comin' out of me.
Make sure you laugh normally. My grandfather, very scary -- big Italian grandfather, very scary laugher. You don't know if he's gonna blackout, cave in or throw up on you when he laughs.
He wakes up, and he wants a cookie for breakfast. He knows she's going to say no. So, he comes to me at six o'clock in the morning. You're an intelligent man. If somebody looks at you at six o'clock in the morning and goes, 'I want a cookieee!',...
She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos -- saved us money somehow. I don't know how. The coupon queen worked that out.
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