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What kind of tattoo would a librarian get? 'Books kick ass'? 'Shut the f**k up and read'?
I work a lot in Wisconsin because, let's face it, I have a great agent.
They didn't like me because I told them I was never in a frat, and I could have been if I had just held that egg in my ass eight seconds longer.
You don't get a prize if you finish college first. You know what you get -- a job and a boss. You friggin' lose.
I come from a big family, 12 kids in my family. Whenever I tell that to people, they go, 'Wow, 12 kids, what was that like?' Uh, horrible -- a lot of people, not a lot of food.
They go, 'Well, you learn a lot about life growing up in a big family, don't you?' Yeah, I learned that I'm replaceable.
The female ass needs no dressing up. If I'm back there, I'm happy.
My parents were Catholic. They were really Catholic -- like they almost molested somebody.
If we're gonna murder murderers, why don't we rape rapists? Sounds good on paper, but there'd be a short line for that job.
I saw this lady being interviewed. She was a spokesman for a casino, and the guy tried to corner her. He said, 'Don't you think it's horrible the way you trick people into thinking they can win money when the odds are really stacked against them?'...
I went to Catholic school for 12 years. People always go, 'Jimmy, you went to Catholic school for 12 years, how come you're not a Catholic?' I say, 'Because -- I went to Catholic school for 12 years.'
They would hit us for discipline because we grew up really poor. I don't know if you know this, but poor people beat the sh*t out of each other.
She would go, 'All they do is talk about sex in your music -- sex, sex sex. There's a lot more to life than sex, Jimmy. Some day you're gonna find that out.' Mom, you had 12 kids, maybe you're not the person to talk.
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