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You like Mr. Pibb? You get to drink all the Mr. Pibb you want! But you wake up 10 years from now and think, 'Well, I think I'd like something hot to drink.' Well, you better heat up some Mr. Pibb!
You think it's possible for them to design an electric car that doesn't look like a gay spaceship?
We have the greatest democracy in the world. Of course, you don't have to win the election to become president, but don't nitpick this to death, alright?
I got the classic Italian male body. I got the ass of a 270-pound man and the chest of a small Romanian gymnast.
Latin women will start moving 30 seconds before there's music. It's like a cat before an earthquake, man -- 'Hang on, there's music coming, I know there is, waiting a second -- there it is!'
I like the real fights, like channel 291, 3:30 in the morning, and it's live -- just some guys beating the tar out of each other. I love those because you can tell they have something at stake. They have, like, rent due tomorrow.
I wanna be there when one of these guys snaps, loses it, says the wrong thing at the wrong time -- their subconscious just takes over and he can't help himself: 'Well, that's your 17th win in a row, Tigger -- TIGER!
I wish I was a Puerto Rican dude 'cause when it comes to baby making, Puerto Rican dudes -- bang! -- first time, every time. Immaculate conception, my ass! You check the roster at Bethlehem, I guarantee you find a Jose Torres on it somewhere. Why do you think they named the kid Jesus?
We don't notice the eyebrow. Once in a blue moon, when it's that woman who shaves off her own actual human eyebrows and draws in the Halloween jack-o'-lantern eyebrows -- those we'll notice for about two seconds, then right back down to the boobs. We don't care.
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