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I find it strange when people call just to say 'hi.' Do you think they would do that if it was the 1700s, and they had to use a carrier pigeon?
You ever notice how sports announcers over-analyze everything about the game? 'I'll tell you Marv, I'll tell you -- if he didn't make that shot, uh, he would've missed it.'
Think about this: that Eucharist is the body of Christ, the son of God, the creator of the whole universe. Don't you think he could have just a little more flavor?
I used to listen to that show 'Loveline.' I don't listen to it anymore. I got tired of people calling up for the stupidest problems. People would call up and be like, 'Dr. Drew, my left testicle is turning orange, and I don't know what to do.'...
I'm like, 'Hey, Phil, this is pretty good pizza'. He's like, 'Pft. It's not like a piece of New York pizza. You wanna call that piece of cracker with some cheese and some tomato juice on it a piece of pizza, go 'head. In New York, we got pieces of...
Hey fool, I thought I told you. I don't want to see your ass in front of Baby Gap no more. You take your ass down to Wicks 'n' Sticks.
You ever see a white kid trying to hit on a black woman? 'Hey, baby. Hey, I know they say once you go black, you never go back. But you should try white, that sh*t don't bite.'
I went to college for, like, one second. I went to a college called DCCC. With that many C's, you know it can't be good. I think it stood for Delaware County Community College -- Correctional.
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