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Why do they bother putting wheels on luggage? Did you ever try to pull your luggage through the airport? There's no control. I killed, like, three kids on the way here.
I saw a spider on the wall, I went to hit it -- it just fell and ran away. I was like, 'Oh my God, he knows what I look like.'
I took a girl out on a date the other night. I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.
I've had dry heaves with more pronunciation than that.
I just bought these. These are the button-fly. They're popular now, and they were popular during 'Hee Haw.'
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