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Does anybody here know what to do if a bear attacks? A lot of people do think you're supposed to play dead, which is not what you're supposed to do. And the best thing about playing dead is -- that's like a rumor that bears spread.
You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat -- an animal I've made up and decided is rude.'
They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.
A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
I was in Vancouver, and I was in what I was told was the poorest neighborhood in North America -- which I find very hard to believe because has anyone here ever been to Detroit?
If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is, he's the reason you all live underground.
There's this billboard in my neighborhood, and it says, 'Don't leave a baby anywhere,' which is true. I imagine the first rule of baby is to not leave it in the street. Don't even leave it with a knife or a sword -- even Excalibur.
Don't throw a baby at anything -- even a burglar.
I gave him a slice of pizza, and he was touched. He looked up at me, he got a tear in his eye, and he said, 'Thank you.' And then he wiped his mouth with the pizza and went back to eating the napkins.
They waited until I was 20 to tell me I was adopted. And then last Christmas, they told me they were kidding.
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