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Trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.
Sex with me is like a race: we both start at the same time; whoever gets to the promised land first is the winner.
My parents have been together for over 40 years, y'all. Ain't that something? That's a long time. Yeah, they're getting married next month, so we're looking forward to that.
We didn't have brakes. If you wanted to slow down, you skated on grass, that's how you slowed down. If you wanted to stop, you'd head toward a tree.
Mike is the only man I know in more trouble now that he's white than he was when he was black.
Every man in here knows the average vagina only stays ready for 30 minutes. After a while, you're not making love, you're making a campfire.
One good piece of advice my parents gave me when I was growing up is 'Always doo-doo before you leave the house' -- which is some of the reason why some of you are not laughing too hard now.
This is how you know you're really getting old. If go to a nightclub and you start complaining about everything in the club: 'G**damn, the music is loud as hell in here. Why is the music so loud? Who's deejaying -- Funkmaster Deaf?'
We're chasing the Taliban, but why can't we catch them? They can't be running that fast -- they've got on slippers.
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