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I had one boss who used to say to me, 'I don't see color. I don't care if you're white, black or purple.' Purple? Really? You don't care if someone's purple? 'Cause that's gonna set off some alarm bells for me.
My father never slept, never slept -- oh, he used to rest his eyes quite a bit. He'd never admit he was sleeping... So I tried to throw this back at him: 'No Dad, I'm not ignoring you, I'm resting my ears.' 'No Dad, I'm not drunk, I'm resting my ability to make sound decisions.'
Drinking a non-alcoholic beer -- that's like performing oral sex on a blow-up doll.
I was about 14, my dad caught me drinking. I said 'Dad, that's the first time.' He said, 'That's a lie -- no one ever gets caught the first time.' So that day, I robbed a bank.
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